Scarry accident

astagfirullah, subhanallah and masyaallah.
itu je yang boleh di fikir dan diucap pada malam tadi. it happened around 4 hrs ago. i accidentally knocked on someone or she knocked me. this accident happened so fast i could not even recall what really happened.

ada acara opis malam ni. aktiviti sampingan. ingat tak nak pegi dah. oleh kerana can bring family member along, i asked budak2 berdua, so they said they wanted to watch the show. so aku pegi lah. suasana biasa, cuma aku tak berapa selesa sbb dari semalam dok gatal2 tekak dan telinga, must be allergic to something that i ate. mood pun kurang baik dgn budak2 tu, sampai diorang tanya mami kenapa tak cool? (ayat biasa), so i said i m ok it just that i m really not well and also not very happy (somemore, wkh jr baru bgtau dia dapat no 18 untuk ujian bulanan dia).

so, dalam nak gi tu, sms wkh sr, that we r going jalan2. on the way, jalan smooth, tak dak kereta sangat. sampai simpang, belok kiri, dan BANG........ macam terlanggar something sebelah kiri , pastu aku ingat aku dah langgar pokok ke apa, sbb keter bergoyang, dan tiba2 ada orang bergolek atas bumper kete aku dan terus fell-down ke arah kanan, sebelah keter. alamak berlanggar dengan motor ke... keter pun tak terus immediately stop, gerak slow2 sampai depan, so aku ingat probably aku dah lenyek motor (at this time, aku tak tau lagi apa yg aku gelek tu..really ingat pokok).

so, suruh budak2 duduk diam2 dlm kete, terus keluar kete, tgk budak pompuan tu bangun dan jalan towards me. aku pun jerit, masyaallah dik, camner boleh jadi camni, i m so sorry, sakit tak. dia muka sebelah berdarah, mulut berdarah, terus bagi tau, akak bawak saya gi hospital.

kawan2 dia datang. rupanya budak tu office mate aku (tapi aku tak kenal), adalah kawan2 dia yg aku kenal. so one of the guys, tanya, akak nak bawak dia gi spital ke, aku kata ok.tapi ada budak2 kecik dlm keter. so dia kata, takpe dia bawak, so he went off and took his car. baru tengok motor dia, tergolek kat tengah jalan raya, dan kawan2 dia angkat. ya allah , tengok kan motor mmg teruk. so, bila tengok tu, baru tau yg aku gelek motor dia.

terus tgk keter, rupanya keter aku pun teruk. bumper depan terjatuh, lampu signal kiri pecah dan tepi dari pintu depan kiri, samapai ke tayar, kemek. ada budak2 dtg tengok dan suruh aku report polis. so bla tengok keter ni, boleh jalan ke, mesti bumper terseret kat jalanraya... terus bawak perlahan sambil berdebar2. budak2 dlm keter pun pucat lesi. aku tak habis2 berdoa biarlah budak pompuan tu selamat. kesian betul.

mmg, bergesel bumper dgn jalanraya. tengok akt depan, ada india/bangla yg keje construction dok perati. so aku turun dan tengok keter. dia cakap, bumper ni jatuh so dia tolong cari dawai dan ikat sikit supaya bumper tak terseret. berbanyak2 terima kasih lah aku kat dia.

so aku call hubby bg tau accident, dan terus ke balai polis. ambik keterangan semua, dan banyak aku bg tau tak pasti. sbb really tak pasti whats happening. nak kata dia depan aku, or belakang aku, pun aku tak perasan langsung. mungkin dia kat sisi. so bila sama-sama membelok ke kiri, dia gesel keter aku / aku gesel motor dia, and she fell to the other side of the car.

hubby datang. dan lepas 45 minit, habis report. sarjan tu nasihat, jgn bawa keter ke workshop lagi, dan bagi aku option samada insurans atau settle kat luar, but depends on the other party. bila dia datang buat report, and how she report. kata polis tu, kalau tak melibatkan kematian, not so bad, kalau mati bahaya. aku apa lagi dengar, tambah berdebar.

lepas tu, akut erus shoot ke hospital. rasanya mmg confirm diorang hantar dia kat sini. true enough, aku masuk kat emergency dia dah takder, tapi nampak kawan2 dia. rupanya dia dah masuk dalam dan under treatment. dan ikut kata kawan dia tu, budak pompuan tu kata aku himpit motor dia. seingat aku, memang aku konar biasa jek, takder lah tarik stering ke makan jalan ke. tapi tak tau lah.

dlm 10 minit kawan dia keluar, dan bg tau, doktor nak monitor dia and she can only be discharge after 6 hours. tapi ikut kata kawan dia, dah x-ray semua, tak der patah. luka kat muka pipi memang teruk.

diorang bg tau, tunang budak pompuan tu ada. so i went to him and say, i m sorry, sayalah yang langgar tunang awak eh silap, saya lah yg accident dgn tunang awak. dia pandang aku kecik jek (kebetulan dia sgt big size, mungkin 4xl kut). dia macam marah kat aku. dan cakap sekarang akak nak settle macammana? aku kata nak settle macammana, ye la, nak report atau nak settle. kalu nak settle akak bayar motor tunang saya. hai , camner lah aku nak buat. bukan aku sengaja dan aku pun tak tau camner boleh jadi gitu. so aku bg tau dia i m sorry,tapi polis nasihat 2/2 report dan police will decide who is wrong and who is right.

he went off to see his tunang and we also drove off. sian keter aku, lagi kesian budak tu. dan kesian motor dia.

so aku EL lah esok and dont know what to do tomorrow. mungkin tghari sikit aku akan call police and ask what happen.

wish me luck. allah nak uji hamba nya yang sentiasa alpa dan tak reti nak bersyukur nih....

hari penuh emosi

totally true - thats what sinar pagi said, and thats how i felt this morning and actually it started late last night.

it actually not to say full of emotion but rather emotionless. i was just like reading and reading it over and over again and could not believe my eyes that finally it hit me.

i ve suspected it like a few months back (2/3 months), but never even in my dream that it IS REALLY HAPPENING TO OUR LIVES.

maybe this is a WAKEUP call for me. Maybe ALLAH wants to send me a REALLY STRONG and HARD signal, that the past recent years i ve been neglecting my duties as a good and obedient muslim. solat mana yang sempat, mengaji amat jarang, lebihkan kerja and meeting. my life revolves around my work, kids and hubby, family thingings. tidak menjaga solat, tidak khusyuk, semua nak cepat jek. and puasa. yes, that's another task that i havent completed and ramadhan is only round the corner.


well, what should i say. i know that this is surely going to happen. and should be totally mentally prepared for this. but knowing kita sebagai manusia yang lemah, kadang2 tidak dapt menerima kenyataan hidup. i always reminding my self, its not WHO but WHEN. so honestly thank you for sharing the best of 9 years (or 10 yrs) of your life with me. thank you for your compassionate love,patient and keep up with mad woman like me. i dont blame you 100% for wahtever happening in our life and conciously know that i m also the gultiy party... dear ALLAH, i dont know how much longer i can keep hanging on this, but i ll try (but not wholeheartedly).

i still have my kids, my parents, my siblings and my friends that i know will support me in my hardest and roughest time. dear my adik2.... i need your support even GREATER now, sis and bros and i know i can count on you.

my last note today ....... 'sambil mata redup dihembus angin pagi...gitu...'