hari penuh emosi

totally true - thats what sinar pagi said, and thats how i felt this morning and actually it started late last night.

it actually not to say full of emotion but rather emotionless. i was just like reading and reading it over and over again and could not believe my eyes that finally it hit me.

i ve suspected it like a few months back (2/3 months), but never even in my dream that it IS REALLY HAPPENING TO OUR LIVES.

maybe this is a WAKEUP call for me. Maybe ALLAH wants to send me a REALLY STRONG and HARD signal, that the past recent years i ve been neglecting my duties as a good and obedient muslim. solat mana yang sempat, mengaji amat jarang, lebihkan kerja and meeting. my life revolves around my work, kids and hubby, family thingings. tidak menjaga solat, tidak khusyuk, semua nak cepat jek. and puasa. yes, that's another task that i havent completed and ramadhan is only round the corner.


well, what should i say. i know that this is surely going to happen. and should be totally mentally prepared for this. but knowing kita sebagai manusia yang lemah, kadang2 tidak dapt menerima kenyataan hidup. i always reminding my self, its not WHO but WHEN. so honestly thank you for sharing the best of 9 years (or 10 yrs) of your life with me. thank you for your compassionate love,patient and keep up with mad woman like me. i dont blame you 100% for wahtever happening in our life and conciously know that i m also the gultiy party... dear ALLAH, i dont know how much longer i can keep hanging on this, but i ll try (but not wholeheartedly).

i still have my kids, my parents, my siblings and my friends that i know will support me in my hardest and roughest time. dear my adik2.... i need your support even GREATER now, sis and bros and i know i can count on you.

my last note today ....... 'sambil mata redup dihembus angin pagi...gitu...'